I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
