the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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