we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
