Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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