I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
