I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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