trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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