then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
