Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
