That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
