Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
