Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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