The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
