Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
