the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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