The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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