If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
