1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
