She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
