Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
