hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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