Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
