I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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