alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
