I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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