I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
