I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
