I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
