Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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