Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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