when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
dude. I can hear the air.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
