You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Let's paint friendship bongs
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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