it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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