hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
vagina is talking i cant
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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