Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
