We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
