Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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