You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
