4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I love having hate sex.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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