I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My vagina just recognized that song.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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