i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
