we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
