When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
