your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
