3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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