I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
