I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
