Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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