I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
