I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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