We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
