About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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