it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
