I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
